call

so i'm on call on a sabbath, but it's slow, so i am happy. i haven't done any admits yet (knock on wood). there's not really anything interesting to report. one patient pulled out his NG tube, another pulled out his foley. my other patient bounced back (which i knew he would). so it has been somewhat interesting. bryan, laura, and i went down and looked at a peripheral smear in the lab (to make ginny proud). now i think i will nap.
sorry for such a boring post...

bloodletting for money

Here at LLU, they often have research of some kind going on. They rarely have students participate and even more rarely pay you. But there is this one study that they pay for - it takes about 2 hours of your time and 2 pints of your blood and pays $200. 

It is a complicated process where they take out your blood and pump in fluid to lower your hemoglobin at a controlled rate. It's not bad besides having to have a IV in and then an A-line (ouch). The venipuncture actually hurts worse now where the anesthesiologist missed the first time (in my vein's defense, I told him that they roll).

So anyway, last year I did this and the money was spent before I left the hospital bed. This time though, I got called the day before I could be scheduled and just didn't have time to think about it. So now I need to decide what to do. I will even let y'all vote (all 3 of you that still read this).

Last year I bought Al's birthday present and used the rest to enter a few races, so this year I could:

1. Buy Al a present and enter the Rock'nRoll marathon

2. Buy Al a present and then use the rest to buy wedding presents for all 10 of my friends getting married this summer (only a slight exxageration)

3. Save it all (the economy is bad and next year will be EXPENSIVE, I will need MAD money)

4. Buy presents that are a bit cheaper and save half. 

5. Buy myself new clothes (that in reality I don't need at this time)

6. Buy Al a present, buy Yolandie a wedding gift (closest wedding), and buy myself a few personal training sessions at the gym. 

$200 just doesn't go as far anymore - I will likely choose one of the more practical ones up there or a different combo. Out of priorities, Allison and wedding gifts ranks highest, I really want to do the Rock'nRoll marathon and would likely budget it in anyway, but I also would like a buffer next year in the area of finances!  I hate money...

Grandma's Eulogy

So I mentioned my Grandma's death - and one of the things that has helped bring me closure was helping my sister write my Grandma's eulogy, which she said at her funeral. 

I couldn't get home for the funeral, but they let me off call early that morning and I walked into the hills which are gorgeous right now with long grass and wildflowers. I walked to the top of a hill that looks on a white wooden cross that someone has put up there. I sat in the grass on a overcast wet day and listened to the funeral over my cell phone, and this is the eulogy that Al read:

     Today we come together to honor the life of one of the strongest and most beautiful women I've ever known. She was a

wonderful daughter, sister, aunt, wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and friend to everyone she came across. No one came away the same after knowing Grandma. Growing up, my mom used to use Grandma as the example of what kind of person made it into heaven; she would say that if Esther wasn't gonna get in, none of us were (and that's coming from a daughter-in-law).

     We that are left behind can look back on the many happy memories she left us with. Whenever our family would get together, we would all laugh about the time that Denny and Tom put her on top of the refrigerator at her brothers suggestion or how she chased Grandpa around with the broom – or at least that is what he claimed she did. Each time we would tell these stories, she would get this face that was trying to show disapproval, but would have this mischievious grin sneaking through.  Even as her mind was slowly fading, she provided us with many laughs as she lost some of her inhibitions. She would so bluntly say that one of her children had a big nose – even though they had inherited it from her. Or she would  be quick to point out another's feet or their expanding tummy! Grandma was an amazing cook, but she was able to laugh at the time she ate the cat's food in a sandwich, the time she put double sugar in a rhubarb pie because she thought she forgot it (Andi still says it's the best she's ever tasted), or when she fed Denny and the girls stuffed shells made with Ricotta cheese that expired a year before. Last Christmas she thought that sparkling grape juice was whisky, calling it "the strong stuff"; but even when we tried to catch her off guard, she still would not tell us where Great-Grandpa’s still had been. Even when she was slowly fading away, she let us know her laughter hadn't left her when Andi asked her “Grandma, are you a Republican?!” and she broke into a smile. Anyone who knew her, knew better than to ask such a funny thing, because to grandma being a democrat and politically aware was as important as her strong Catholic faith.

     Even though she never finished high school, education was very important for her children and grandchildren to succeed at. After spending time as a nanny at the funeral home in St. Marys, she enlisted in the U.S. Army at the height of WWII where she achieved the rank of  Sargeant before marrying Benedict (Ben) Rettger. She raised four wonderful children while helping run Mt. Top Pop in Mt. Jewett. It was a rare evening not to hear Gram typing away at the typewriter long after everyone else went to bed.

     She also was generous with everyone – no matter if she never met the person. While we were at the nursing home, we would try to guestimate how many funeral casseroles she put together in her life – even after she didn’t have her license, she would get someone to drive her to Smethport to give a casserole to someone who had lost a loved one. Once she was in a nursing home, she was always worried about Christmases and what she was getting everyone.

    When people have left us, we like to talk about all the good times and how perfect they were, which seems easy to do with Gram; but I think that to remember them wholly as they were, we need to talk about their flaws too. Grandma's greatest flaw perhaps was being late. If you wanted Grandma somewhere on time, you better tell her to be there at least half an hour before. It was a good thing that Grandma lived so close to the church for so many years and that she could walk faster than Grandpa! She also had a tendency to be a bit absent minded - this was best evidenced by the day Grandpa was driving home from Mt. Top and the fire engine was driving down Division St. The driver stopped him and said, "Don't worry Ben, we got the fire out," which would have been a relief if he had known there was a fire in the first place. He rushed to the house to discover that it was still there and Grandma had forgotten about bread in the oven and had smoked up the house! Also, she was a slug murderer; many people don't know this, but Grandma kept a leftover keg of beer in her basement from her 50th Anniversary. She would fill pie tins with beer and leave them in her garden where the slugs would drink it and drown (Andi was first upset by this, but then decided that they probably died happy). She also was a packrat...if anyone doesn't believe it because of the always tidy house she kept, just ask Denny how many boxes of greeting cards he threw out, or how many paper towel rolls or shoe boxes she had stashed in her closet when she moved to Central Towers!!     She did love to clean though;washing dishes was her favorite thing to do after a holiday dinner. Even after her heart surgery in Hamot, she refused to leave with Grandpa until she had cleaned her bathroom in the hospital (scrubbing on her hands and knees)!

     She was so strong that she was able to survive a massive heart attack in the 80s, bypass surgery in the 90s and the hardest things – losing her sweetheart of 51 years and son of 42 years. Without that determination, she would have been taken much sooner from us. We were so lucky to have her with us for 89 years. 

When my grandfather passed away in 1996, she told us kids not to cry, because it would make grandpa sad if we cried. So instead of crying for her, let's try to remember the good times we had with grandma. After all, it was a funeral much like this one where we learned of how great-grandpa Cesa had blown himself up in the outhouse (and survived). It brought us many laughs and stories of Grandma will be much the same in the coming years. She will always be with us in our hearts, we will be reminded of her  when we come across doublemint chewing gum (half a stick), pink lipstick, or tissues (all constants inside her purse); or when we see homemade popsicles, or those yellow rubber cleaning gloves!!

    I’ll end this now with how I ended every conversation with her – I love you Grandma as far as my arms can reach, and I know you love me too.

on death

In the medical field, people die every day, it happens and you move on. It didn't use to be routine, but now it is - not when someone close to me passes, but pretty much everyone else. The thing is that it doesn't have to be this way. When I was at Kettering, one of my patients passed, I wrote about it at the time - my attending expressed his grief to us and let us express ours; I felt like an actual person died as we worked through it together. Yes, the legal side was mentioned and the fact that we had no fault in the matter, but it was a sidenote. Yes, we evaluated our involvement and how we could learn from it, but that to was of smaller consequence. In another hospital, on a different team, a patient died. The first thing that was talked about was the legal ramifications and we even when through the patient's file to make sure we did nothing wrong and discussed it ad nauseum. We even reported the nursing staff for an error that we found, only to discover that they had made no error (scapegoat anyone?). I learned from both experience, but the first seemed more human to me; I always want to be human. Maybe that's one of the reasons that Peds fits me so well; when a child passes, it's medically acceptable to mourn, but when a 70 yr old man with lots of health problems dies, it's medically acceptable only to CYA (cover your ass).  

Long time no post..

So I haven't posted in a long time - I  haven't done a lot of things in a long time, like talk to my close friends...I haven't been answering my phone or texts, but I am getting better. For those who don't know, my grandma died a little over a week ago. The sadness mixed with the business of a life that doesn't stop for death has made me neglectful.

I am doing better now, better enough to share some of my life with you and make some observations. It might seem overkill, but I will break them into separate posts so you can read the topic that most interests you and not this huge long one. 

VA

so i survived my first week at the VA...it's a whole new world of craziness...

on thursday morning, as i walked into the VA and very nearly stepped in some duck poo, this led me to observe that there were hundreds of little piles of duck poo all over the sidewalks lining the VA (due to the numerous duck ponds around the hospital), which has led me to walk in and out of the VA with eyes cast downward avoiding each little pile. but if you are the astute reader and realized that i have worked at the VA since monday and only noticed the piles on thursday, you probably have come to the very real conclusion that i came to this morning....that for 3 days, i walked through lots of duck poo...

duck poo aside, the VA is good. they have electronic medical records which is wonderful and awful at the same time. wonderful because data gathering is a breeze and i can find all the info i want anytime in one place, but awful in that my only purpose in the world as a third year is to collect charts, making me obsolete. (as an aside, i was the only one on the team who knew how to print this list and that made me somewhat valuable until people realized that i am off tomorrow and forced me to show them how, thus relinquishing my last bit of marketability). the other awful thing is that all the wonderful data is in the computer, but i still haven't learned where to find it all and furthermore, it has an easier time hiding from me than when it's in a paper chart.

otherwise the VA is good. the call rooms are nice. the guys and girls are separate but we share a bathroom which connects our rooms. it's funny because the boys always knock as they come through the bathroom for permission to enter our room. they are cute.

the patients are great too. some are funny, some are annoying, and some are plain crazy. one of my patients is super sweet and really talkative. he asked me to come back and dance with him because his roommates were boring and didn't like to talk or dance (except one guy, who he claimed like to lead too much). i spent a long time talking to this particular patient this morning because he's so nice and fun; one of his roommates got a little jealous and started complaining about all the attention he was getting and then all the  men started yelling at him for wanting to hog all the women, i guess the complainer is not a room favorite because he yells nonsense all night and pees on the floor (some circles would call that i good time!) :) 

my intern today threw out his back which resulted in his going home early, but not before i could steal a few snickers at him hobbling down the hall at approximately 0.1 mile per hour! 

i'm trying to think of anything else fun or enriching that happened in my life this week, but i am drawing a blank. so for how i will sign off.

with all my love. 

west coast home

well i am back in california. i survived the flight with only a 1 hour delay and the loss of only 1 piece of luggage. i was still a bit grumpy when irene dropped me off at home (especially when i realized that i had been up for the past 20 hours). 

so yesterday i slept in and waited for my luggage to return, then napped some more, then talked with my roomies who i missed lots. then complained to abby about not having food prepared for me anymore, then went to get thai with abby. i drove to thai and i had to apologize to abby several times for my driving...i had to readjust to driving danika and also to the california drivers. 

this morning i woke up with a headache. i think that it's caffeine related since it resolved with a chai tea and a cherry pepsi chaser. now i have to write a paper and get my other assignments together before our dodgeball game after which i will go grocery shopping and then study for my test tomorrow...what a day!