home sweet Indy

it is 7:30 am as i sit in my apartment, the first home i have had all to my own. mom and i arrived here at 3:30 this morning and the plan was to sleep in, but i was woken by the banging of my blinds fortelling the storm. and now the storm has come - i had to close the windows in the living room to prevent the carpet from getting soaked with rain - it's a little bit beautiful, the downpour that is, with the trees across the street swaying, but i pray that i will let up soon so that i can unburden my little silver taurus sitting in my new garage with two bikes jutting off the back. we left california at 6:30 on memorial day and in two days drove just over 2000 miles to arrive at my new home - we drove through 8 states in total - my car was heavily weighed down forcing the speedometer to dip down below 60 mph more often than i like which resulted in multiple semis and coach buses passing us. in the end i accepted the slowed speed when my wonderful car survived the entire journey uneventfully.
so now i prepare to build my life in what i would say is in a tiny one bedroom but turns out to be 1000 sq. ft. with a kitchen that makes me want to cry with joy. it seems too perfect to truly be mine - but it is. the only downfall is that i am not sure where my router is that will provide the internet that at&t asssures me that's hooked up, that will allow me to post this blog - and while i am hoping i have friendly neighbors, they all have their wireless password protected. there may be one other tiny flaw - there is a peculiar smell to the carpet, as if the previous owner was a pet lover - the smell encourages me to add carpet deodorizer to my "need to buy today" shopping list that seems to be ever growing.
i really should sleep and i would - i don't know when the last time i slept more than 7 hours was - lately the nightly total has been 4-5 hours with me going to bed late out of business and waking up early with a busy mind - i am hoping that my mind will rest soon and let me rest - maybe when it doesn't feel that there is so much to do. right now my mind is begging the storm to slow down so that i can sneak out to my mailbox on a little treasure hunt.
it's strange to me that my greatest feeling of being a grownup occurred when i pulled into my own garage last night - it's the first time i have had my own garage and despite the fact that it comes with a price tag of responsibility, it may be worth it.
i graduated on sunday - i am now a doctor and people will be calling me that, but it concerns me that i don't know when i became a doctor. in all honesty, despite the pomp and circumstance of the past weekend, i don't feel like that's when it happened - just because you have a few ceremonies and march around and get a diploma, that doesn't make one a doctor. and since i have been on vacation for the past 5 weeks of medical school, i highly doubt that i became a doctor in those days. perhaps it occurred during my 5 weeks in Peru, but even that possibility seems unlikely. i'm not unhappy or complaining, just unsure - and i don't like being unsure.
so right now i will cling to the things that are sure: i love my apartment which is perfect for me, i love this city that i am still in the process of learning, i love the leaders of the program i will be working for, and i love being close to my family again - and for now i will try to focus on all the things i know i love and ignore those that are uncertain - for now.